This morning at work three men were in the diner. It was about 4:30/4:45ish. I was flying around finishing up what I needed to do so that when my boss came in the restaurant was in top shape. To be completely honest, I can't stand any of the men that were there. All of them come in quite often and everytime they do I find myself rolling my eyes and wishing that they would just go away. The other waitresses and cooks do the same. Not that that excuses what I do, but that is just how we all feel about them. One of the men that comes in always has a story (or ten) about the incompetency of the police and his admiration of drug dealers and pimps. He says that prostitutes get what they deserve. That gay men should be drawn and quartered (that THE nice way of putting it) and that police officers should just hand over their guns to men like him so that they can shoot them and we can all rely on his version of street justice. The second man comes in and always harrasses me about giving him free food and coffee because he brings the Province paper that someone leaves on his porch every morning. Third man always comes in and he demands the best service regardless of what I am doing or how busy I am. He mocks me and everytime he comes to the till to pay he refuses to hand over the money, or his VISA card or whatever method of payment he has that day.
Am I painting a good enough picture for you? Can you understand why I was in such a foul mood this morning? To make matters worse they all get along really well and they always have the most perverse conversations across the diner forcing me to hear about things that I really don't want to repeat on this blog. Anger started to build as they kept talking and we constantly in my way and asking for more coffee when they had just taken two sips from their mugs. As I startted to fume and get frustrated I stepped out on the back step to catch my breath and pretend to take my garbage out. As my anger exploded to the heavens and I told God that I didn't what them in MY diner and that He should just kill me now or make them all go away I noticed something. Did you catch it? Lets rewind a bit shall we? Walking outside I told God that I didn't want them in MY diner (mistake number one, did yah catch that?) and that He better just kill me now (mistake number two, who am I to tell God what to do with the life that I have given Him?) and that he should just make them go away (mistake number three, doesn't God love all of His children? Who am I to presume that I am above them?)
God has placed a desire in me to go to Africa and show my love for Ugandans by offering my support and helping to end the terrible war that is raveging the very soul of that country. But how can I claim to love them when love isn't a part of my daily life? How can I love people I've never met if I don't love the people who are sitting right in front of me? How on earth can I be this selfish? I am ashamed, utterly horrified. What happened? My own soul disgusts me sometimes.
** Lord Jesus help me to be more loving, especially with people that seem to be incredibly unloveable. Let it be your love not mine that flows from my lips and extends from my arms and actions. Teach me how to be your humble servant in whatever situation. I want to be mre like you, please give the will to do so. Embody me, surround me and be patient with this sometimes unwilling heart of mine! I love you.**
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