Sunday, August 26, 2007


This is a pic of me freaking out for two reasons!!
1) I leave in 9 days!!!!!
2) My backpack is too small, either that or I have too much stuff!!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

This breaks my heart...

The war in Northern Uganda is something that I hold close to my heart. I think about the citizen herded into camps like livestock, the children forced to kill and maim abolishing all hope for a future and for peace, the girls viciously attacked and forced to be mothers of children that will only learn to kill and terrorize. I think about the cycle of abuse and neglect that Uganda faces if justice is not brought. The other thing I think about is how we do nothing. How we sit here in our houses, surrounded by our big screen TVs, our expesive vacations and our fancy cars and how having all the wealth in the world we can't bring ourselves to have one ounce of campassion for those facing this horror everyday. If it was us in this mess wouldn't we demand action?? Wouldn't we demand that our cries would be heard? Wouldn't we want everyone to rally and bring back to us our lost sons and our lost daughters?
How can we do this? How can we sit twiddling our thumbs while an opportunity walks us by? We could be the generation to end this war, to restore a country, but we aren't?
I'm sick of inaction isn't it about time we showed the world that Canada cares?
What can you do to stop this? What can i do to stop this?
And, why aren't we doing it?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

we're goin through changes..

I think I smell a change in the wind says I.


WELL I FRIGGIN' HOPE SO!!!
Keep yah updated!!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Where do they all go??

Thanks to a certain tool called facebook, I can now connect with people that I haven't seen in years. Seriously, it is sooooo cool. I love finding people that i just don't have the guts to phone. It rocks. But it is also very sad. What happens to everybody?? All the Christians that I used to look up to? Where do they all go. All I see is nasty pics and beer-chugging moments. Woohoo...**slumps in chair**...not. I dunno it just makes me sad. Very sad. Satan has won..
Poo....

Saturday, May 26, 2007

letting my guard down

Here I am. Late at night, nothing but the glow of my computer screen and speakers. Nothing but the noise of Dakona playing softly in the background. It might be that I am tired, it might be that I haven't eaten much today, it may even be the thoughts swirling around like snowflakes in my head. Whatever it is that makes me feel this way--it makes me feel lost within myself. Like some kind of painting that isn't completed yet, or a photograph partially developed. Maybe the most detrimental thing to do is to stay in this place but I like it. It reminds me of playing with a bruise, how you poke it and it hurts but only a little. A kind of bittersweet. Whatever it is I feel as though I am lost, as though I am dying and as though I am reaching out for some unattainable goal. Like a jewel beyond my reach, something just out mind. I feel as though I am captive and it is now that I have earned temporary parole. I feel like a prisoner set from my cell, but the weight of the now absent shackles are felt around my wrists and ankles and my heart knows that come morning I shall be bound again. I wish that I could have someone to share these moments with. Moments like the lingering of an almost kiss. Moments of touching God and Earth, of floating and hitting the ceiling. I feel hope and at the same time doomed to walk this earth alone. I long to dance, not to any hip hop beat, but to tune of my heart beating close to someone else's. Some talk about God as a lover, as the most passionate and valiant of beaus, but I just can't. Maybe that is my problem. To me He is savior and guide, yes I love Him and I know of His deep love for me. But to me He is Father and friend. Someone to lead me down the aisle, not someone to for me to join when I have walked it. I want a love in this world. Someone to hold and share the calm of midnight with. Will that come? Or will all my dreams end with me. Will I dance alone, like my nana on the night of my grandpa's funeral? An image that has stuck fresh in my mind for almost ten years now. Calm, serene and beautiful is how she looked that night- I'll always remember her strength as she laid her husband in the ground.
Maybe I will dance, just me and my Father, my Savior. Dance the night away.
Finally some movement in the stillness.
For tomorrow I will wake up and all will have moved on. Might as well savor it all now.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Songs in my pocket, songs in my pocket, songs in my pocket!!

Put your IPOD on random. For every song that plays, write about who, or what, it reminds you of. Or what this song signifies. 9 songs later, you may be nostalgic...or maybe inspired.



Grace Like a River-Delirous. This song reminds me of Delirious concerts with Melissa Wilson, over priced concert merchandise and a wierd dance team that really made no sense and of course the never-ending grace of an ever-loving savior. How his grace washes over us always.

My Heavenly- Jars Of Clay. This one brings me back to a time of feeling lost, and then found. And in that finding purpose in life--even in the smallest thing. In my mind I picture a driving down a long dirt road all alone, only to meet my one true love and fly above it all.

Let It Be- The Beatles. Just calm and peace is what this reminds me of. Of finding inspiration in a guitar solo. Reminds me of my graduation and knowing that now I must step into the real world and let all that has past be and just let it rest. It also reminds me of a bride walking down the aisle to her soon to be husband. I want to walk down the aisle to this song!

I so hate consequences- Relient K. Just that-- it reminds me of all of the bullsh*t I have pulled in my life and how time and time again I can shy away of what I want and what is required of me. It's a place of being sorry and catching up with my actions.

Girls & Boys- Good Charlotte. Reminds me of head banging, driving over the speed limit, and singing the wrong lyrics. Also it reminds me of watching late night Much Music with Emma.

Will I- Rent. This song is quite simple. The only lines are: Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare? Very powerful. It reminds me of Jesus' final night on this earth and the questions and uncertainty He faced. It reminds me of His grief and sorrow.

Shipwreck-Starfield. This song reminds me of the past few years of life. Coming back to God in a whole new way and trading all that I have for Him and His plan for me.

Sanctus- Drentch. Deep, Deep worship. Just stillness, just my heart speaking and connecting with God.

Sweet Home Alabama- Lynyrd Skynyrd. Ummm, Jamming on the Guitar. Alexis White, and of course Forrest Gump.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

untitled

I love airports!! Absolutely love them! They are the doorsteps to the world. They are the gates to all that I want to see. African Savannahs, Mayan Ruins, the French Riviera, the Nile, the Mediterranean Sea! Ohhh, so wonderful. The world at your finger tips. But also so depressing. So close and yet so far away. As Juliet once described, like a child that has new clothes for a festival, but cannot wear them. Almost like a kid in a candy store too short to reach the gummies on the top shelf. How sad, to be arms length away from your dream, your dependency and not quite reach it. Close enough to be enveloped by the smell of delight but not feel the warm, smooth melt in your mouth. How tragic. The worst kind of disappointment. I think that is where I am today. Have you ever wanted something so desperately that it consumes your very core? You would give up your life; literally lay it down, to have but one taste. Would you walk away from your family, friends, comforts, and job? I would. Have you ever wanted something so bad that it is the first thought when you wake up and the last thought before you go to sleep, and after that it even lingers around in your dreams?
Here is my problem. I want this thing so bad, but I'm afraid to ask God for it. Afraid that He will say no, afraid that He will give anything but His blessing. I can't stand another closed door. I'm at my wits end. I can't move forward without His blessing, but I'm afraid to ask. I know that He would lead me somewhere else if I said no, but can my tiny little finite mind understand His firm but loving hand as He says no and closes the portal? I don't think I can. So here I sit, on the edge of wanting, but having no courage to stand up and say that this is what I want and ask for an answer. Furthermore, I am afraid that He will say yes. Then I will truly have to put my money where my mouth is. I will have to walk away from my family, friends and comforts and get on that plane and not look back. Am I strong enough? Can my heart handle that? It is easier said than done to put all of your faith in something that is unknown.
I will I ever have enough courage?
I'm terrified.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Breaking News!!

Well. It is official. I am a dork. I joined the hordes of other dorks, yesterday, as we lined up to take----- SUMMER SCHOOL!! Because year-round learning should be a staple. None of this half-ass September to May garbage. And to top it all off, what exactly am I taking? Political Sciences and History. Everyone give me a round of applause because you are looking at an all-new Dork Dara!
The classes are actually fun. I really enjoy them. I just think I'm crazy to be taking two 8:30 am classes in the summer. Oh well. At least I'll be done by Mid-June!
Wish me luck today--I have my review at work, with both owners and the manager. A little nervous....
Oh well.
It's nap time.
Catch you later.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Zeke...






Isn't he beautiful? Since I was a little girl I have dreamed of owning a Great Dane. They are the kings of all dogs. So majestic, strong and gentle. A little over a year and a half ago, when my world had crumbled to pieces and I stood alone I found him. He had lived a terrible life, abuse, neglect and left abandoned in a house when his owners moved away and left town. I found his quirky picture on the Internet and like a five year old all I could do was point and say, "Mine". I had been managing to save quite a bit of money and decided that in an effort to mend us both I would take him in. He came a week after I had applied for him. We were summoned down to Seattle to pick him up and have an interview. As we entered the house and turned the corner I laid eyes on him for the first time. I was frightened by his size but taken by his instant love, as if he knew that we were soul mates. Hours later he hopped in the car and we were off. Our new life had begun. I slept beside him that night, on the living room floor, where he snuggled in close and we both dreamed of how much better our lives would be.
He fit in to our family quite well. We took him to the dog park, long walks by the river; I even snuck him to work once. I was so proud of him. I became my companion, my therapy and my friend. When he started having to see the vet once a week for cancer treatment nothing really changed. I would pack him in the car and we would share McDonalds on the way home. That was our treat.
When the vet came yesterday to put him down, I almost couldn't believe it. He looked perfectly normal except that he didn't have the use of either back leg and had lost control of his bladder and bowels. I sat cross-legged at his head stroking his muzzle while my brother gave his ears one last rub. It was a tearful good-bye and as he put his head in my lap I knew the worst was over for him. He snuggled in close, rubbing his head into my thigh and just like that he was gone.
In her book "Hope Rising", Kim Meeder tells a story of a boy who is brought to her ranch of rescued dreams by is caseworker. The boy had been apprehended because when his father came home drunk, after knocking the child's teeth out, he would make the boy run around the backyard while he emptied his rifle at him. Kim and the boy's caseworker took him to a golden pony that she has just rescued from a life of abuse and neglect. She taught him how to place the bit in the horse's mouth and put the bridle over the horse's ears. While the boy was attempting this the horse turned his head and pressed the child up against its mighty shoulder. Although the child was frightened, Kim said the first thing that came to her mind. Without hesitation she blurted out, "Look, he is giving you a hug!". As the horse continued to press the boy against it's side, the boy leaned right in and hugged him back. They seemed to stay like that for an eternity. Zeke was like that for me. I was a confused kid, my teeth had been knocked out and I was all alone on this earth. I set out to rescue him, but I think that I was the one that got rescued, he just came along for the ride. I learned love, patience and caring in a time when I wasn't able to do any of those things.
In Zeke's last moments with his head in my lap, as I stroked his face and our eyes locked for the last time, he looked grateful and seemed to be giving me a hug letting me know that he is out of pain now and better off.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Have you ever wept for a whole country? I have. And I seem to be doing it more these days.
God has certainly given me a heart for Uganda and for the Acholi people who face so many hardships. This is the latest blow.


April 5th, 2007
UN World Food Program Cuts Food Rations for 1.5 Million Displaced in Northern Uganda
Constrained by lack of funds, the UN World Food Programme this week said it would be forced to cut by half food rations for nearly 1.5 million displaced people and refugees in Uganda.

"Until we have sufficient funds to buy food locally, we will be forced from 1 April to reduce by half the amount of maize and beans that we give to each displaced and refugee family," WFP Country Director Tesema Negash said.

"If we don't cut them by 50 percent in the next few weeks, the relief operation would grind to a halt in May."

Though more than 230,000 displaced people returned home in northern Uganda in 2006 with WFP assistance, 1.28 million still remain trapped in squalid camps in the northern districts of Amuru, Gulu, Kitgum and Pader, unable to provide sufficient food for their families.


How can we live in such luxury? When will we learn that your world should not be so different?
How many more people must starve to death before we take action?

Friday, March 16, 2007

My respose to Heather's post titled "Devil wears a candy shell"


So it's the middle of March and I can only count the amount of Mini-eggs that I have eaten on one hand. Isn't that atrocious? ONE HAND. Here is my story...
As I was doing my errands this morning I had to run into Wal-Mart and find some liquid latex (of all things). Long story short--they didn't have any (sense any foreshadowing??) and I ended up getting lost in the Seasonal department. Upon remembering the lack of mini-egg goodness in my life lately, I decided that they would make a good breakfast, okay maybe not to a normal person who has just rolled outta bed, but a good breakfast was for someone who is pushing 24 hours without sleep and who's last meal was cold, flavorless, soggy chicken wings. So I went on a quest to find myself the LARGEST bag of the little suckers so that I would have a reason to brush my teeth before my journey to dream land. I wandered around the three aisles that they call the seasonal department and there was NONE to be found. I searched high, I searched low. I started moving things around to see if some anti-mini-egger was playing a cruel joke on those of us that annually depend on the little shards of heaven placed oh-so wonderfully in that perfect purple bag. Turns out that wasn't the case. Like a drug addict who can look and not touch, I paced back and forth and grew increasingly irritated. It was as though the mini-egg gods were mocking me as I was forced to walk past the box that contained bags and bags of the "popping mini-eggs". I'm sorry but I'm a purist, maybe even a snob, but no popping eggs will do. As a last effort I asked a sales lady and she said "Oh yes, they are over here." Full of hope I walked to another station that I hadn't even noticed and before I knew it she had placed in my hands----(yes, you guessed it!!!) a mesh bag of tinfoil wrapped generic chocolates. I was ready to rip her head off!!! "Here you go", she said. I told that these really weren't what I was looking for. She stared at me blankly and pointed out that they were egg-shaped and mini and then inquired as to what my problem was. I showed her a photo of what I was looking for. (It was on a neighboring box, I don't just keep one in my pocket incase you were wondering.) She then proceeded to show me every single kind of chocolate they had and NONE of them were packaged in that royal purple that I have come to love. Frustrated and dizzy I grabbed the first chocolates that I saw and made my way to the checkout. I had searched for at least half an hour and I was forced to buy some sub-standard Nestle product. On the way to the car, I ate said chocolate and I did not feel satisfied in the least, really it just gave me a tummy ache. Now I am sitting here with a stomachache that is in the way of me falling asleep. BAAAAAAAA HUMBUG!!
What a nightmare, ridiculous, absurd.
Next time I think that I will just stick to water.





Mini-eggs, come back to me. Why do you leave me so forlorn?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Lessons from Lesbians

I don’t really know any lesbians, to be honest, they don’t appear very often in my circle of close friends. I was asked out by girl in my grade 12 year once but that is about it. I have nothing against them, I love on them like I would anyone else but I just don’t find them in my tight-knit group of acquaintances. I don’t have any insight into the gay world and to tell the truth I have never really dealt with anything of the sort. But one lesbian has left a profound impact on me. I was watching the academy awards the other week and Ellen Degeneres was hosting. I like her, I think that she is hilarious. I think that she is one of those Hollywood types that I would actually like to meet. After the awards show Barbara Walters’ Oscar special was on and I had a few minutes to spare before I flew out the door to work. She was interviewing Degeneres in her Hollywood mansion, Walters went on about Ellen’s TV debut on some late night talk show in the 80’s, she showed a clip of Ellen’s monologue in which she has a hypothetical conversation with God. After the clip was done, Walters asked what Ellen would say to God if she could have a conversation right now. Without pause or reservation Degeneres replied with a gracious “Thank you.” That was it, just those two simple words. She just blurted out “Thank you”, not “Thanks, but my teenage years were tough” or “Thanks for everything after you put me through the ringer”. This took me by surprise. Here is a lesbian, someone that we Christians would snub and look down on, expressing gratitude to a God that we just sit around that complain to. That really shocked me, Ellen has walked a lonely road, sexual abuse as a child, a career is the toilet, being dropped by networks and agents because of her lifestyle choices and public humiliation. And all she can say is “Thank you”, give me a break. How come I can’t do that? I have never been publicly humiliated, rejected and led to believe that my ideas are wrong and that I should be punished for that. Unbelievable. If I were to sit down with God, probably the first thing to come out of my mouth would be “Where the hell have you been?”, or “Why do you make this life so damn hard?”. The first words out my mouth would definitely not be an expression of gratitude. But then again, maybe Ellen has learned a lesson that I haven’t. Maybe she has learned that everyday is a gift from God and all that she has is all that she needs. Maybe I’m just a pilgrim that hasn’t made it yet, I’m still on the journey. Maybe I still haven’t given up the fight and refuse to meet God at His word, that he is mighty and just and won’t leave me or forsake me. Whatever it is, thank you Ellen Degeneres. You have truly humbled me. You have taught me how rich I really am. Thank you…

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Crap weekend

Shittiest week ever!! I got off of work on Thursday morning and my mom's dog had peed all over my NEW and EXPENSIVE bedding. Because of working full time at night and going to school all day everyday I have really made an effort to make my room a sanctuary and try to keep it clean, so that I can enjoy my sleep and not get frustrated with my own mess. So dealing with Great Dane pee on my new bed after a crappy shift and three hours of sleep between two days of school and two nights of work wasn’t fun!
Then after work on Friday morning, I kept hearing a glug-glug-glug sound. Knowing that I don’t live in a Robert Munsch book I went to investigate and slipped in the three inches of water that were flooding my laundry room. Then as I was headed back up the stairs to awaken my parents and tell them of this misfortune I stepped in some more water that was coming from my mom’s office. I discovered that a pipe had burst was water was seeping through the wall. WHAT A MESS!!! Thank the Good Lord above for house insurance. And thank Him also that I work nights, because now my sister and I are sharing a bed (and a room) due to water damage in her bathroom and closet. After all of the cleaning crew, maintenance people and insurance tycoons left our house (at about 9pm Friday night) we watched a movie. Just as the end credits started to roll there was a power outage about 4 by 10 blocks on our side of Mission. WHAT A NIGHTMARE. My brother and I, tired of sitting in a cold and dark house, did what we do best. We went to Rocko’s for nachos and milkshakes!
Saturday wasn’t a total bust. I got to see Nicole, Nantina and Amber and Jars Of Clay---KILLER concert sooo good. I laughed, I cried, I rocked out and generally just had fun.
This leads me to the saddest news yet; even as I type this I am brushing the tears from my face. My dog Zeke has bone cancer. I took him to the vet last week and they had no clue what was going on and wanted to do X-rays that I couldn’t afford. So my mom gave me the number of a woman that she knows and she looked at him and gave me the bad news. There is a chance that he could get better, but right now he just lays in the front hall and does nothing, so things don’t look so good. He is on painkillers and anti-inflammatories.

So yeah, that was my weekend. When it rains it pours….
I need a vaction, did you hear that God?? A VACATION!!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Generally Frustrated

So I went to Parkside yesterday. Soooo good, I love it! (There you go Steve, your "I love Parkside" comment--happy now?) I was sad that Scott didn't preach, as I love his preaching but Aaron’s sermon hit home for me too. I have been struggling a lot lately with how I relate to God and what it is exactly that I believe in. I've been trying to prioritize and "get my ducks in a row" but this has lead to just general frustration. I'm not where I want to be in any way. Aaron’s sermon was on what you love more than God, and he talked about the rich young ruler that Jesus told to sell everything and give all the money to the poor. And here is the answer to my question, I love boys more than I love Jesus and I love the possibility of a relationship more than I love sitting down and spending time with my creator. If you knew me you would know that I've always been the friend that guys have and you would know that I've never had a decent relationship. I'm not the prettiest or the skinniest or even the most talented and sometimes I can just be, well, awkward. I'm just your average girl with nothing special to offer. I'm not exceptionally witty or fun to be with and I get frustrated at the dumbest things. I've never been the one that is pursued or chased or adored. So why do I keep trying? I just found out that I no longer know any single boys. My last single guy friend has found a girlfriend. But there is something that still won't dye, a monster within me that won't let go of the dream of a relationship. So how do I give this up, kill this dream and take hold of the love of Christ--it may be the only love I'll ever know.
It seems that I'm always waiting. Always waiting for something. Waiting to finish College, waiting to leave this continent, waiting for that special relationship and I'm STINKING TIRED OF WAITING.
I gave God an ultimatum last night, I told Him that either He lets me go to Africa now or He finds me a relationship. I quickly re-negged. Who am I to give Him an ultimatum? What does that prove except that I'm not mature enough for either. BAAAAAA can you smell my frustration? I can.
Why can't I just leave? Why do I always have to watch others get what they want?


Anyways, that's enough ranting for now, Maybe I'll feel better in a day or two....

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Okay, I found some more interesting things that you might not know about me.

1) I LOVE cleaning random things, like chair legs and around sinks and the metal part that is on top of the shower door and underneath blow dryers and door handles. The rest can stay messy for all I care.

2) Often I think what life would be like in an opposite universe, like what would happen if green meant stop and red meant go, that sort of thing.

3) I always have a pair of emergency socks in the trunk. Seriously folks, its true.

4) I dance in my underwear (with the door shut and locked ofcourse)

thats all for now!

Friday, February 09, 2007

6 wierd things about me...

6 Weird Things You May or May Not Have Known About Me (or were afraid to know)


1. HATE BANANAS---Can't stand them. Not the taste, smell or texture. I have to do everything in my power not to puke when I am around them, especially the mush ones **shudders**

2. I sleep with 5 blankets and five pillows and I have the window open. I like the weight of the blankets but I don't like how warm they make me. I like to sleep with two pillows under my head, one in my arms, one between my feet and the other one at my back like a baby. Wow, I'm pretty high maintenance!!

3. A dog isn't a dog unless they are BIG. And I mean BIG. (Sorry Nicole)

4. I'm really good at startng projects and never completing them. Under my bed and in my closet lurks the proof of that.

5. I've NEVER been to the zoo. But I am going on Sunday!!

6. hmmmmmm.....I love pink!!


that's all I got. Sad I know. Maybe if I come up with a good one I will repost it. Oh! Here's one I've never been to Disneyland!! How's that?

Monday, February 05, 2007

YAY


I got my nose pierced!! YAY!! So excited!!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

This morning...

This morning at work three men were in the diner. It was about 4:30/4:45ish. I was flying around finishing up what I needed to do so that when my boss came in the restaurant was in top shape. To be completely honest, I can't stand any of the men that were there. All of them come in quite often and everytime they do I find myself rolling my eyes and wishing that they would just go away. The other waitresses and cooks do the same. Not that that excuses what I do, but that is just how we all feel about them. One of the men that comes in always has a story (or ten) about the incompetency of the police and his admiration of drug dealers and pimps. He says that prostitutes get what they deserve. That gay men should be drawn and quartered (that THE nice way of putting it) and that police officers should just hand over their guns to men like him so that they can shoot them and we can all rely on his version of street justice. The second man comes in and always harrasses me about giving him free food and coffee because he brings the Province paper that someone leaves on his porch every morning. Third man always comes in and he demands the best service regardless of what I am doing or how busy I am. He mocks me and everytime he comes to the till to pay he refuses to hand over the money, or his VISA card or whatever method of payment he has that day.
Am I painting a good enough picture for you? Can you understand why I was in such a foul mood this morning? To make matters worse they all get along really well and they always have the most perverse conversations across the diner forcing me to hear about things that I really don't want to repeat on this blog. Anger started to build as they kept talking and we constantly in my way and asking for more coffee when they had just taken two sips from their mugs. As I startted to fume and get frustrated I stepped out on the back step to catch my breath and pretend to take my garbage out. As my anger exploded to the heavens and I told God that I didn't what them in MY diner and that He should just kill me now or make them all go away I noticed something. Did you catch it? Lets rewind a bit shall we? Walking outside I told God that I didn't want them in MY diner (mistake number one, did yah catch that?) and that He better just kill me now (mistake number two, who am I to tell God what to do with the life that I have given Him?) and that he should just make them go away (mistake number three, doesn't God love all of His children? Who am I to presume that I am above them?)
God has placed a desire in me to go to Africa and show my love for Ugandans by offering my support and helping to end the terrible war that is raveging the very soul of that country. But how can I claim to love them when love isn't a part of my daily life? How can I love people I've never met if I don't love the people who are sitting right in front of me? How on earth can I be this selfish? I am ashamed, utterly horrified. What happened? My own soul disgusts me sometimes.

** Lord Jesus help me to be more loving, especially with people that seem to be incredibly unloveable. Let it be your love not mine that flows from my lips and extends from my arms and actions. Teach me how to be your humble servant in whatever situation. I want to be mre like you, please give the will to do so. Embody me, surround me and be patient with this sometimes unwilling heart of mine! I love you.**

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Purpose...


I feel like everything in the past couple of weeks has just clicked. Like I've finally heard what God has been saying, no SCREAMING at me for years. I feel like my life has finally been given a purpose. The vision for my life is to lose it and to lose in IDP camps in Uganda. God has been bringing this up within me for years now and I just can't ingnore it. Africa has become a trend these days, a politically correct way for the world to think beyong its own backyard and start thinking about what lies beyond. What happens when the trend ends? Well, somethings in Africa may be changed but in general that means alot of people will walk away from what they once stood for. For me that isn't the case, I will still be taking a stand for Uganda when very little are. This is something that is woven into my very core. Every morning I wake up and I realize just how comfy life has become. I am in a postion were I can't ignore this any longer.


**BAAAA, what am I supposed to do? Why won't You let me go to Africa. Why God, why? Why do all of my efforts prove worthless and nothing pans out? How am I supposed to do this? Would you just show me how I am supooed to get there? You know the desires of my heart Lord, you have put them there. What am I supposed to do with them? Please help...**

Friday, January 26, 2007

Night Commute

Join the night commute, there is one happening in your area. Follow the link to sign up.
Take one laying down on April 28th 2007.

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/theMovement/displaceMe/

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Sadness...

Well it is now time for me to join the thousands of people that have failed their road test. That is right folks, before you is a 20 year old who still needs a ride from her parents everywhere she goes. It is pretty frustrating. I really thought that I had a shot. I guess I'll have to wait and try again. Hopefully next time I will pass. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm just tired of this. My examiner said that everything was great and that I am a great driver but because I hesitated turning left at a VERY BUSY intersection I failed. I guess I learned my lesson, it just doesn't seem fair. Maybe next time................

Sunday, January 21, 2007

TRI



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Please visit www.invisiblechildren.com


Children are not soldiers, nor should they be made mothers. The war in Uganda must end. Joseph Kony's reign of terror must not go by silently. Take action...

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Random dis-connectedness


As I lay here awake...I can't help but think. Think about life and God and art and music and pretty much everything else. I can't help but think about the way that life makes me feel, about how God makes me feel and art and music and pretty much everything else. For the past couple of months I've felt oppressed. Not an on the surface oppression, but a just beneath the surface oppression. I've been asking a lot of the hard questions lately, but not out loud. Never out loud, not even the smallest trace of a breath or even a whisper. Afraid that somehow my insecurity will over take me, and this vulnerability will take control. That somehow I will lose and these questions and thoughts won't stop. I feel like a kid who has been told to clean her room and instead of putting things away I've stashed them in the closet and now it's inspection time and my closet is threatening to betray me with every breath I take. I've really been questioning what it is to live as a Christian and how all of that fits into this world- or should the world fit into my living as Christian? I'm beginning to wonder if how I've been living and how we all have been living is exactly like Christ intended us to live. Recently I'm beginning to think that the opposite is true. I think that we have mashed up all of our human expectations and ideals and have projected them onto a God that stands for something different than what we claim. What is a Christian....I haven't the faintest idea and yet I stand before the world and tell them that I am one. I feel squished on all sides and strangely enough not from the world but from the limits that seem to be put on my title as a Christian. It's like I've traded everything I have for this. In a sense that is true, I have traded my life, my dreams, hopes and choices to follow my God but I didn't do it for a simple existence I did it for a life. Christ came so that I could have life in abundance and as I look around I don't see anyone in my circle of fellow Christians living life to the point of abundance or even making plans of doing so. All I see is a bunch of people sitting around with their noses in their Bibles keeping to the letter of the Law. I find myself running in the other direction. I am faced daily with the stereotype that as a Christian girl I am just waiting around for my husband instead of living and dreaming. Everywhere I look I am asked, "So are you a Bible-thumper?" (Would someone please explain to me what this is!!) And to tell the truth, I haven't cracked the sucker in a good couple of months.
I haven't written in my prayer journal since September 30th. There are moments in my life where I am so angry that my language could make a sailor blush. I drink, despite my mother's wishes. I've come to think, even though in no way do I condone this, that women should have a choice to have an abortion or not. I don't think that we should hold non-Christians to Christian standards no matter what they do. I don't think that Christians should hold governmental office. I agree with my sister when she says that all Christians have days where they are atheists. I think that we should live faith-based lives instead of Scripture-based lives. I can't stand the us VS. them mentality of Christianity. I think that if Satan were to walk on earth he would be the most atractive person you would have ever met and if you were to pass Jesus on the street you would have to double-take to make sure it really was Him. I think He is much different then we think. My best friend from high school turned out to be gay and I say love on him just like before and stop trying to scare him into believing in God. I think that drug addicts can be Christians and can possess more love for people that either you or I could. Every time I join my co-workers for a smoke break I am tempted to ask for a cigarette. Most of my music is not from Christian artists, infact some songs even have a few swears in them. I have struggled with depression and self-mutilation. I am 20 and I am single. There is still a sting from what happened in my last relationship and I'm not really motivated to date anyone. I don't want kids. I want to live in the middle of the city surrounded by artists and people who have different beliefs than I do. I get jealous. I get angry. I get sad, sometimes for days. Every time I see an unusual bright light in the night sky I find myself praying that it is my savior coming to take me home. I think that wonder is worship and, as romantic as it sounds, wonder is a key component to having a relationship with God. Joshua Harris makes me angry. I think that Kandinsky was right when he said that abstract paintings could reflect a heart of worship just as much as traditional iconographical paintings can. And I'm not really sure "Jesus loves you" is the answer to everything. Just because I’m saved doesn’t mean I have the right to judge. I think that more of life is lived in the gray areas than in the black and white.
Does this mean that I fail as a Christian? Really what do you think? Is your first impression “Wow, Dara, that is sad when did you fall away from your faith?”. Honestly is it? I'm not writing this to shock you. I'm just telling you where I stand. Please, if I am so wrong let me know and show me which direction I should walk in. I'm just laying my life on the line and telling you where I stand. It’s just that I am constantly reminded of my humanness and my need to acknowledge that. I’m just so tired of fake Christians and this over simplifying of life that comes along with our fear of questioning. I am happy, I really am. I love my God and I love my life and things are better than they have ever been but these questions and thoughts just keep gnawing at my soul. I’m just being real here people. If you feel the need to pray for me out of pity- go ahead, I could use prayer and so can you, it’s for everybody and all the time. Things with God are amazing. I’m really laying everything down before him, including all of this. I think that if you are honest enough with yourself you might find the same. Just pondering.
Thanks for listening.

Monday, January 08, 2007

SCHOOL


Here I sit. At school. HAving just bought my books. I must confess that I am a little nervous and part of me is wondering what I am doing here. But I can tell that it will be a good challenge. I have my first class in about 45 minutes and I am kind of scared. I've never taken a hands-on art class before.
**Lord, please help me. Guide me and calm my nerves. Don't let me be intimidated or scared. Let me know that I am here in your arms. I love you.**

Sunday, January 07, 2007

School tomorrow!!


This is my latest work. The excitement for school just bubbled over!! YAY. I have school tomorrow. I finally know where I want to go and what I want to do, and I'm doing it. I'm so excited for this. Good luck to all of you either starting school or returning. I hope that your semester is and exciting as I know that mine is going to be!!

Love you all...

Friday!!

On Friday, after I got off of work my brother and I made a day of it. Here it is in pictures...



We took the train into Vancouver.





Here are our tickets to Science World to see the Body Worlds exhibit and the Omnimax film. It was awesome!!







Afterwards we ate lunch at Red Robin and we were soooooooooooooo full!!






Ofcourse wehad to stop at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate factory for dessert!





There was a DVD sale at HMV on Robson, so I bought two more to add to my collection.





In gas town I found a wonderful art store/gallery. I bought this book for cheap and added it to my library.





We were on the skytrain when the roof of BC place stadium collapsed. Oh my!!






At the end of the day, when we were full and had gotten over the shock of what happened to BC place stadium we hopped on the train and headed back home.






I guess al the excitement just wore Pietr out! Have a good nap Piet!!


Exciting, eh?

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

Well, happy 2007. I hope that 2006 delivered on it's promise for life and love and I hope that 2007 continues to do the same. Last night showed me just how unpredictable life can be. I had plans to ring in the new years and there were so many options. I was going to be with my friends and ring in the new year in a new and independant way. I was so stoked. Then at 7:30, got a call from a co-worker saying that she was sick and needed me to cover her shift. Half-asleep, I agreed. Once I woke up, however, I wanted to call her back and tell her to shove it and find someone else. I didn't, and be grudgingly I went into work. At 11:30, I looked at the cook and she was grinning ear to ear and was gathering pots from the back to bang at midnight. Okay, maybe this new year won't suck like I thought it would. At midnight, standing outside in the cold, we rung in the new year. Myself, my cook, her finacee and our group of regulars. It really was a celebration. As the new year came upon us, I was filled with an overwhelming sense that God is good and that I am where I am meant to be. I seem to have found myself, or rather God has seemed to show me who I am. A human, nothing more and nothing less, and that there at Rocko's is my family, as dysfunctional and messed up as they are. Each soul unique, and beautiful, fashioned by the hands of a loving and merciful God. I am called there. That is my mission field, even if I don't change a single soul and no one even knows my name, I will have shed light where none was present. I am constantly reminded that these are the people that my God came to walk with, heal and eventually die for. And I am thankful for them all.