Life

This week I am reminded of the fragility and delicacy of life. On Thursday we had to have one of our horses put down. He was sick and dying. It all came quite suddenly with a stomach ache and lead to a twisted intestine which left all of the toxins in his body nowhere to go but back into his blood stream. It was very sad. Though I had never ridden him and wasn't there when the vet came, I cried as I watched them drag his carcass into the back of a non-descript truck and drive him away. A sad sight for all of us who looked on, not even a girls night out with martinis could cure the sting of what had happened that day. This probably seems a little bit dramatic for you, and looking back it seems a little drawn out and dramatic for myself but this is the first time that I have dealt with the death of an animal that I watched deteriorate. "It's just a horse", is what you are probably thinking, but to me it is more than that.It reminds me that life is incredibly fragile, and is something that should not be taken lightly. I spend too much of my time trying to be someone I'm not that when things go bad I can't even rely on myself to be strong. Why am I so afraid to be myself? I have wasted the past 20 years (Oh my gosh, 20 years--- that is two decades!!) trying to meet someone else's expectations and fashioning myself after what they want. RIDICULOUS!! INSANITY!! So today, I start anew. I am going to be who I am and who God is shaping me to be. I don't what to be forty and realize that I am so far from who I am that I can't function. I'm going to do my own thing while I serve this untameable God of mine. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and know that God will provide, wherever I am. I'm excited. Out from the shadows I come. I'm throwing off this mask and if you don't like it, don't watch--- I'm sorry but I can't stay squished in your box forever. If you do like it, join me and watch because my God is going to do something amazing!!